Mr. Charger

Shocking news to report as another Charger incident with police made headlines Tuesday.
We haven't been this stunned since we learned that Tara Reid was "the meat in a rapper sandwich."
The latest Bolts indiscretion once again involves safety Terrence Kiel, who was cited for urinating in public in the Gaslamp Quarter.
This comes a couple months after Kiel was arrested for shipping codeine-based cough syrup.
And this is another in an ongoing list of police blotter items involving sports figures in San Diego, aka Thugtown, USA.
Now, for those of you scoring at home, that's two brushes with the law in a very short period of time for Kiel, but also two encounters of a very embarrassing nature.
Let's see, shipping codeine-based cough syrup? Check. Public urination? Check.
What's next for Terrence Kiel?
Really, it's only a matter of time before Kiel is arrested with a transvestite hooker.

The Minor-League Town Poll

In a hypothetical Chargers-Bears Super Bowl, the Chargers would have won.
	Agree
	Somewhat Agree
	Strongly Agree
	Violently Agree
	Disagree
	Somewhat Disagree
	Strongly Disagree
	Violently Disagree
	A hypothetical Super Bowl is the only kind the Chargers can win
	No Opinion
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Same Old Aztecs

San Diego State did so many things wrong Saturday in its 56-51 loss to No. 13 Air Force, we can't possibly remember them all.
For starters, somebody might want to remind Steve Fisher's kids that, as soon as the refs throw up the jump ball and the clock starts ticking away to open the game, the idea is you're supposed to put the ball in the basket.
We're not sure the Aztecs understand that.
They didn't score their first point Saturday until Jerome Habel made a free throw 6:58 into the game. Thus began a putrid first half in which the Aztecs were 8-for-27 (29.6 percent) from the field and 0-for-10 (0.0 percent) from 3-point territory.
Yet, there they were at the end with a chance to win. But of course, being the Aztecs, that's all it was.
Twice in the final 18 seconds, they missed shots that could have been the difference.
So now, the Aztecs are 13-6, 2-3 in the Mountain West Conference, giving them as many conference losses as they had all last season.
And the most glaring stat of all: San Diego State falls to 1-41 in road games against nationally ranked teams.
But would you expect anything different from the Aztecs?

The USD Report

The University of San Diego lost to Santa Clara 61-47 on Saturday.
And that's all for this edition of The USD Report.
Join us again next time for The USD Report.

The Fat Man Returneth

That sound you just heard was David Wells waddling back into town.
The Padres and the supersize southpaw agreed Friday to a $3 million, one-year deal, meaning the 62-year-old Point Loma High grad will finish his career in his hometown.
The 6-foot-3, 726-pound Wells rejoins the AARPadres rotation that now also includes 67-year-old Greg Maddux.
Clearly, Padres brass was so impressed by what Wells brought to the table last year, they asked him to come back for seconds. Wells and his flabby left arm are coming off a wildly successful 2006, in which he won one game in his five-week stint in San Diego after a late-season trade with Boston.
With a remarkable run like that, who wouldn't want old tubby?
But without a doubt, the best thing about this move is that we here at Minor-League Town can continue to use Jake and the Fat Man references repeatedly and often.

Jesus Christ, This Is a Minor-League Town

The only thing more surprising -- and appalling -- than the Chargers' decision to bring back Marty Schottenheimer is the utter lack of public outcry over it.
For the most part, Charger fans seem fine with this.
And we're not really sure why there's no public outrage.
Is it because Marty is such a nice guy and San Diegans can't bring themselves to hate such a lovable teddy bear of a guy? Is it because Charger fans are content with a good regular season, regardless of how embarrassing the playoff losses are? Is it because Charger fans have the attention span of a gnat and have already forgotten about Sunday's debacle?
Unbelievable.
Whatever the reason, this just confirms what a joke of a sports town San Diego is.
And moments like this are why we're here -- to point out the absurdity of it all.

Thugtown, USA ... A Continuing Series

Remember the old days, when the Chargers and Cincinnati Bengals were known as the biggest thugs in sports?
Ah, those nostalgic days when Chargers and Bengals players would show up on the police blotter on a nearly daily basis.
Well, all of a sudden, there's a new thug in town who's gaining quick on the outside, looking to make this a three-horse race.
Ladies and gentlemen, your San Diego Padres.
That's right, your beloved little Padres are quickly becoming the new Bengals, or at least baseball's version of an NBA squad.
On Sunday night, while you were drowning your sorrows over the sudden end to the Chargers' season, new Padres second baseman Marcus Giles was spending the evening in handcuffs. (And no, wise guys, there were no females involved).
According to reports, Giles was handcuffed, detained and escorted from Qualcomm Stadium after getting into a fight on the club level during the Chargers' playoff choke job against the Patriots.
This latest incident comes just 10 days after Jake Peavy, the alleged ace of the Padres' staff, was arrested in Mobile, Ala., after a "situation" with airport police.
Padres management, namely CEO Sandy Alderson, has talked often about the club's preference for players who are "good character guys."
And whenever Alderson or general manager Kevin Towers, who answers to the colorful nickname "KT," ramble on about this, the implication is clear -- they don't want a bunch of guys who conduct themselves off the field like Charger players.
Well, Sandy and KT, congratulations. Because right now, that's exactly what you've got.

Marty Schottenheimer, Motivational Speaker

In a perfect bit of timing, Chargers coach --for now -- Marty Schottenheimer is featured in a full-page ad Monday in San Diego's two largest daily newspapers.
The ad is for a "GET MOTIVATED" seminar at the ipayOne Center (formerly the San Diego Sports Arena) and features a photo of Schottenheimer wearing a Chargers cap and coach's headset. According to the ad, the coach with a 5-13 career playoff record will be speaking on "How to Lead Your Team to Victory."
Seriously, we're not making this up.
The ad says the event also will feature LaDainian Tomlinson, who will speak on "How to Sharpen Your Competitive Edge."
LT was pretty edgy after the game Sunday.
Also participating in the seminar are Steve Forbes and Rudolph Giuliani, among others.
Call 1-800-207-5193 today to "Get Fired Up!" as the ad says.
If all this isn't enough, the event is on Feb. 14. So, Charger fans, sign up now for the rare opportunity to spend Valentine's Day with the love of your life, Marty Schottenheimer.

Stay Classy, LT

You'd think LaDainian Tomlinson would be the least likely guy to act like a drama queen. But you'd be wrong.
After the Chargers' 24-21 playoff choke job against the Patriots on Sunday, there was LT running around the field like a whiny, little brat.
LT was sent into a tizzy because the "no class" Patriots were celebrating by dancing on the Chargers' helmet logo at midfield.
And this is a bad thing.
Because, you know, the midfield insignia on the Qualcomm Stadium turf is such a sacred thing, so sacred that just four weeks ago, it was a Poinsettia Bowl logo.

San Diego Super Chargers

It must be difficult for San Diegans to find a silver lining after Sunday's 24-21 playoff choke job against the Patriots, but we here at Minor-League Town are all about looking on the bright side.
The best thing about Sunday's loss is that now we don't have to hear that insipid little ditty, "San Diego Super Chargers," over and over in the coming weeks. When music historians document such things, "San Diego Super Chargers" will go down as the gayest song in the history of recorded music.
Thanks to Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots for ensuring we don't have to listen to that piece of garbage over the next several weeks.
And thanks to Marty Schottenheimer for doing your usual bang-up job in the playoffs.

San Diego fans shouldn't feel too down in the dumps. You know, we just checked and despite Sunday's defeat, the Chargers still have the best record in the NFL at 14-3. Way to go, guys!
And despite the loss, the Bolts have won 10 of their last 11. Not bad.
As for Nate "Klutch" Kaeding, yeah, he missed another playoff kick, but he did make 24 consecutive home field goals in between playoff misses. Nice job, Nate!
But most importantly, there's the Pro Bowl! The Chargers have nine -- nine! -- guys going to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl. The Patriots have only one Pro Bowl player, defensive lineman Richard Seymour. And Philip Rivers will be at quarterback for the AFC in the Pro Bowl.
Take that, Tom Brady.
Only four weeks until the Pro Bowl!

The Minor-League Town Stat o' the Day

Percentage of San Diegans who currently have
some sort of Charger paraphernalia on their cars:

76%

Percentage of San Diegans who had some sort of
Charger paraphernalia on their cars four months ago:

6%

"The OC" Still Canceled

Upon further review, we really don't need a reason to post a picture of former Carlsbad High cheerleader Autumn Reeser.
Enjoy.

Fit to a "T"

Tuesday was a big day for a large -- uh, make that XXXXXL -- man.
The Baseball Writers Association of America put an end to all the gripping suspense by electing Mr. Padre, Tony Gwynn, to the Hall of Fame, along with Cal Ripken Jr.

There have been many great hitters inducted into the Hall and some say Gwynn is the best. That's debatable.
What isn't up for debate is this: Gwynn will enter the Hall -- if he can fit -- as the fattest man to ever be inducted.
Many players have let themselves go after their playing careers ended, but none quite as flabbily as TGwynn.
Congratulations, T! It's quite an honor.

Why Bother?

It's official, the New England Patriots will be the Chargers' first playoff opponent next Sunday in the divisional round at Qualcomm Stadium.
Which means, the Chargers might as well call it a season.
Many Charger fans were hoping to see the Chiefs or Jets at Qualcomm Stadium next weekend, but no such luck. In fact, this probably marks the first occasion all season in which the Bolts haven't gotten a lucky break.
A sign of bad things to come?
Really, the only chance the Chargers had was to get a cupcake-like matchup in their playoff opener, cruise to a big lead, rest some key players in the second half, then come back tanned, well-rested and ready to go for the AFC championship game the following week.
But that ain't gonna happen now.
Standing in the Bolts' way is a Patriots team that pasted the New York Jets 37-16 on Sunday. New England might not be as dominant as it was a few years ago, but Tom Brady is still the quarterback and Bill Belichick is still the coach, so 'nuff said.
Aside from those two, the Patriots lack star power and are a nearly anonymous bunch. In fact, we're not sure the average Charger fan can name three Patriots players. After Brady and Rodney Harrison, it probably gets a little fuzzy. But then again, we're not sure the average Charger fan can name the three branches of government.
Brady is the best big-game quarterback, the best clutch quarterback in the league. And if that's not enough to concern Charger fans, the Bolts will be facing a pissed-off Tom Brady.
You know he hasn't forgotten about being snubbed for the Pro Bowl, and next Sunday, Brady will be squaring off against the erratic, temperamental kid who beat him out for that Pro Bowl spot.
Good luck, Philip Rivers.
When Rivers peers across the line Sunday, he'll be looking at a Patriots defense that loves to embarrass young quarterbacks, loves to force them into mistakes. Remember, Ben Roethlisberger's first playoff experience two years ago against New England? Not a pretty sight.
If the Chargers somehow get all the right bounces and all the refs' calls and beat the Patriots, that would set up a likely showdown with the Baltimore Ravens. (Sorry, Peyton).
And sorry, but we just can't see the Chargers beating both the Patriots and Ravens in back to back weeks, and we can't see Marty Schottenheimer outcoaching Belichick and Brian Billick in back to back weeks.
Everything we just said about the Patriots we can just about double for the Ravens. Baltimore's defense is the best in the league and has the kind of speed and physical play to contain LaDainian Tomlinson and force Rivers to make plays.
Good luck with that, Opie.

And the Ravens' offense has a pretty good veteran quarterback who performs well under pressure and isn't going to get intimidated. These playoffs could be Steve McNair's moment to show people how good he really is.
So those of you who have made travel plans for Miami to watch the Bolts play in Super Bowl XLI might want to start making alternate arrangements for that weekend.
How many weeks until spring training starts?

The Minor-League Town Poll

When the Chargers lose in the playoffs, who or what will be to blame?
	Marty Schottenheimer
	Philip Rivers
	LaDainian Tomlinson (What if he suddenly starts fumbling?)
	Oprah/Receivers
	Defense
	Special teams
	Officiating
	Bad luck (Because they used up 5 years' worth of good luck in the regular season)
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Thugtown, USA

It's been a busy couple days on the police blotter.
Shockingly, none of it involved Charger players.
First, there was sportscaster Jim Lampley getting arrested Wednesday at his girlfriend's Encinitas apartment in an alleged domestic abuse case.
What caught our eye about this one is that 57-year-old Jim Lampley has a 28-year-old girlfriend. Yeah, that sounds about right. And she's a former Miss California USA.
Then on Thursday, things heated up again as Padres pitcher Jake Peavy was arrested in Mobile, Ala., after getting involved in a "situation" with airport security personnel. Reading between the lines, it sounds like Jake the Fake played the "Don't you know who I am?" card.
According to Padres general manager Kevin Towers, who answers to the colorful nickname "KT," Peavy was traveling to the Dominican Republic to take part in a goodwill tour with other major league players.
Oh, the irony is just too perfect: Peavy the Punk gets arrested while on a goodwill mission. Apparently, Peavy the Punk is capable of only so much good will.
OK, Chargers, it's your turn. We expect another arrest any minute now.
The San Diego Chargers are on the clock.

"The OC" Canceled!

We're not going to relish in the demise of a once-iconic show, but Wednesday's news that "The OC" has been canceled gives us something we've been looking for.
We've been trying to come up with an excuse to post a picture of former Carlsbad High cheerleader Autumn Reeser, so this gives us the perfect outlet.
We don't know what we're going to do now without our weekly dose of former Carlsbad High cheerleader Autumn Reeser, but sources told Minor-League Town that Fox has signed Reeser to a development deal, so hopefully, she'll be back in our living room soon.
As for "The OC" itself, many fans gave up on the show long ago and clearly the ratings plummeted this season and it's too bad because we thought Reeser's Taylor Townsend character was breathing new life into the show.
But one thing is certain. No show ever opened with a better line: "Welcome to the OC, bitch."
So with Scripps Ranch High graduate Adam Brody suddenly joining the ranks of the unemployed, does this mean that Kellen Winslow Jr. is now the most famous Scripps Ranch alum?

Let's Go to Jimmy in El Cajon ...

Boise State's thrilling 43-42 overtime win over Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl will set off endless debates about the BCS system, but it means only one thing here.
We'll now be subjected to another round of chatter from the geniuses who do local talk radio, wondering, "If Boise State can do it, why can't San Diego State?"
As compelling talk radio debates go, this one is nearly as fascinating as the old reliable, "Should Pete Rose be in the Hall of Fame?"
It takes special talent -- and a willingness to work for minimum wage -- to do local talk radio.

Happy New Year

It took some diligent work, but we've uncovered some rare visual evidence that Erin Andrews was actually on camera, albeit briefly, during the Holiday Bowl.
Wonder how many of those reporters and photographers were using Cal coach Jeff Tedford as an excuse to get a close-up look at Erin Andrews.