Chargers-Jets Analysis You Won't Find Anywhere Else

It's been a couple of hours now, and it's still hard to believe the Chargers were eliminated from the playoffs by the Jets.
But we probably should have seen this coming back in November, when Antonio Cromartie and a few other Chargers essentially conducted a rehearsal for their Super Bowl celebration party after a victory over Denver. In November.
So we're not quite as shocked as some might be over this.
But enough of that.
We have a special exclusive guest analyst with us tonight to provide Minor-League Town with his thoughts on Sunday's game, among other things. Joining us for this special event is noted aficionado of Jets gear, Kevin Arnold from "The Wonder Years."
And Sunday's Chargers loss is now especially painful for Charger fans because, if the Bolts had won, our exclusive guest analyst would have been Charger Girl Brittany R.
Oh well, sorry, Charger fans.
So now it's time to move on to our guest analyst, Kevin Arnold, who's still sporting his trademark Jets jacket as he joins us from some unnamed American suburbia.

Minor-League Town: Kevin, welcome to Minor-League Town and thanks for joining us.
Kevin Arnold: Thanks for having me. Can I say one thing, first? ... J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS!
MLT: OK, I guess we had to get that out of the way. ... Now, Charger fans are questioning Norv Turner's decision to go for an onside kick with just over 2 minutes remaining in the game. An onside kick is such a fluky play that relies on pure luck and when the opponent knows it's coming, it almost never works because they have the "hands team" in and there's so much traffic 10 yards beyond the kick. How did you see that play?
KA: Things never turn out exactly the way you planned. I know they didn't with me. Still, like my father used to say, 'Traffic's traffic, you go where life takes you' and growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you're in diapers, the next you're gone, but the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a time a place, a particular fourth of July, the things that happened in that decade of war and change. I remember a house like a lot of houses, a yard like a lot of yards, on a street like a lot of other streets. I remember how hard it was growing up among people and places I loved. Most of all, I remember how hard it was to leave. And the thing is, after all these years I still look back in wonder.
MLT: OK, thanks for that. Here's a tough question: If Winnie Cooper were to date a Charger, who might that be?
KA: I'll say Shawne Merriman. Because Winnie has been known to make some bad decisions.
MLT: How would you deal with that, Winnie and Shawne Merriman?
KA: All of our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone that makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect who might be searching for us.
MLT: OK, compare and contrast, your brother Wayne and former Jets receiver Wayne Chrebet.
KA: One's a butthead, the other took too many shots to the head.
MLT: If you were a Charger fan, what would your thoughts be on Nate Kaeding right now?
KA: Butthead.
MLT: Norv Turner?
KA: Butthead.
MLT: TV viewers will always see Kevin Arnold as a little kid wearing a Jets jacket, and not to put this interview into some weird time warp ... you're not aware of it yet since you're still a little kid, but in the future you're going to attend Stanford -- any thoughts on fellow Stanford guy, Tiger Woods?
KA: Tiger who?

The Minor-League Town Quote o' the Day

"We were ready for Simms and Orton."

-- Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman, as if either one requires any preparation

Thugtown, USA: A Series Is Reborn

Just when you thought it was safe for a gal to have a Charger player as a boyfriend, Shawne Merriman is back in the news.
The star linebacker was arrested early Sunday morning for allegedly choking and restraining his girlfriend, MTV "star" Tila Tequila.
Stay classy, Shawne Merriman.
Chargers general manager Albert John Smith -- who answers to the colorful nickname "A.J." -- no doubt was thrilled about having his Sunday breakfast interrupted by this. The team's public relations staff issued a statement, in which A.J. allegedly says: "It’s disappointing to hear about the issue involving Shawne Merriman. We’ll continue to monitor the situation and let the legal process run its course."
By "monitor the situation," they mean, do nothing until they're forced to, if the legal process dictates.
Of course, if Merriman were not a star player, the response from the team wouldn't be quite the same. If he were the 53rd man on the roster, well ... he'd no longer be the 53rd man on the roster.
This latest "issue" of alleged thuggery is just the most recent in a long line of athletes gone bad stories involving Chargers and Padres players, as we've chronicled here in our just now resurrected Thugtown, USA series.
As you may recall, there was Jake Peavy's "situation" with airport security personnel in Mobile, Ala.
And then there was the heartwarming story of former Padre Marcus Giles getting handcuffed, detained and escorted from Qualcomm Stadium for allegedly getting into a fight at a Charger playoff game.
Oh, and we'll forever be grateful to Terrence Kiel for his contribution involving codeine-based cough syrup.
And it didn't take long for this Charger to get in trouble.
Jake Peavy made a return appearance in Thugtown, USA after an incident involving a brown foreign substance.
The playoffs are always a great time to get arrested, as Vincent Jackson demonstrated.
Now this latest "issue" involving Shawne Merriman leaves us with one question. Does this mean Merriman is now out of the running for NFL Man of the Year Award?

Jake The Cheat?

Jake Peavy has filthy stuff. The movement on his pitches is something else.

Yeah, something else all right ...

It seems maybe Jake the Fake has had a little help in dominating opposing batters.

According to thebiglead.com (which also gets credit for the photo above), Peavy was pitching with a brown foreign substance on his right hand during Saturday's win over the Dodgers.

And after viewing that photo, we wonder if the movement on Peavy's pitches is the result of another kind of, uh, movement.

Jake Peavy* now joins an illustrious group of alleged San Diego cheaters that includes former teammate Mike Cameron* and Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman*.

Another San Diegan, Reggie Bush, could ultimately have his Heisman Trophy taken away due to alleged extra benefits while he was at USC.

Which begs the question, should Jake Peavy* now lose his Cy Young Award?

It might be time to come up with a new name for this town. We've previously called San Diego Loserville, USA and Thugtown, USA. Perhaps now we'll start calling it Cheaterville, USA.