The Minor-League Town Colemanism of the Day

"The sun is out here in Houston ... uh, not Houston. I mean Arizona."

-- Jerry Coleman, not quite sure where he was during the radio call of the Padres' Cactus League finale vs. the D'backs at Phoenix on Saturday

The Minor-League Town Poll

The Padres will lead the league in:
	Staff ERA
	One-run wins
	Player arrests
	Union grievances
	Overrated guys named Giles on the roster
	Guys named Terrmel on the roster
	High-round draft picks who amount to nothing
	Depends endorsements
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Jake the Fake a Mistake

The Padres have announced that Jake Peavy will be their opening day starter April 3 at San Francisco, a clear message to their fans that the team has no interest in opening the season with a win.
Yeah, this makes a lot of sense. We can't think of too many other teams out there who are using their fourth-best starter on opening day.
Baseball historians will have to dig long and hard to find another example of a defending division champion opening the season with a pitcher who was 11-14 the previous year.

The Vindictive Padres

As expected, the Padres released veteran infielder Todd Walker on Monday, clearly in retaliation for his arbitration victory over the club.
Let this be a lesson to all current and future Padres players: If you win your arbitration case, you're gone.

If a Tree Falls ...

Bill Grier was officially introduced Monday as the new head basketball coach at the University of San Diego.
Of course, he said all the right things, but Grier probably isn't aware of the biggest challenge facing him in his new job. Overtaking Gonzaga, Grier's former employer, is not the toughest thing he'll attempt to do at USD. No, the most difficult challenge for Grier will be to try to do something about the raging apathy that exists about USD in this city.
Case in point: The San Diego Union-Tribune held an online general sports chat, covering various local topics, on Monday -- the same day the Toreros introduced Grier as their new coach. Not one question was about USD or Grier.

Breathtaking Scenery in the Pacific Northwest

We were pulling for Oregon to make the Final Four, but it just wasn't to be as Florida prevailed over the Ducks 85-77 on Sunday.
Oh well.
What does this have to do with San Diego? Not a damn thing.

That's Gotta Hurt

Padres general manager Kevin Towers was hit in the face by a foul ball Saturday.
But thankfully, we're being told he's OK.
Towers, who answers to the colorful nickname "KT," will be up and around, making bad trades and getting cuddly with weather babes in no time.

The USD Report

Bill Grier, the top assistant at Gonzaga, reportedly will be introduced Monday as the new head basketball coach at the University of San Diego.

And that's all for this edition of The USD Report.

Join us again next time for The USD Report.

Aztec Fans? What Aztec Fans?

A funny thing happened when Channel 8 went out to find Aztec fans watching Monday's San Diego State-Syracuse NIT game at local sports bars [second item of article].

The Sandy Man Can

It's no secret the Padres are cheap bastards, but now we learn they're also vindictive bastards.
Club CEO Sandy Alderson never passes up an opportunity to save a few bucks -- even if that means resorting to dirty tactics.
It appears the Padres are prepared to release veteran infielder Todd Walker within the next week. Why? Because Walker had the gall to win his arbitration case against the club. The nerve of the guy.
So, now the organization apparently is about to cut Walker as an act of retaliation. Retaliation? What is this, Fallujah?
Nice to see the club is handling things in a professional manner.
We're not huge fans of general manager Kevin Towers, who answers to the colorful nickname "KT," but when KT was running the show, things seemed to be handled at least somewhat professionally.
But ever since Alderson wrestled control of the organization, the club seems much more underhanded and slimy in everything it does.
And Alderson is the face of the team these days, or at least he's trying to be. Alderson's bubbly personality is front and center in the team's new television commercials. If the goal of those commercials is to get people to buy Padres tickets, good luck with that, Sandy. We found ourselves dozing off halfway through the sales pitch.
Sandy Alderson -- the only man who can make Norv Turner seem like the life of the party.

Crowd Control

San Diego State played in front of the largest crowd in the history of its basketball program Monday night -- 26,752.
And the Aztecs did what you'd expect of them in such a situation. They crapped their pants.
Syracuse barely broke a sweat in steamrolling the Aztecs 80-64, eliminating SDSU in the second round of the National Invitation Tournament. Monday's crowd at the Carrier Dome also was an NIT record.
The Aztecs are a program that gets stage fright playing in such "hostile" environments as Provo, Utah, so it didn't take a genius to predict a Syracuse blowout in this one.
But then again, what do we know? Since we didn't attend the game, we're not qualified to have an opinion on it, says Steve Fisher.

This Can't Be Good for the Economy

David Wells says he and his flabby left arm are making drastic changes as a result of learning he has diabetes.
"It's going to take some lifestyle changes. And I'm already making them," said old tubby. “From the time I found out, I made changes. No more starches and sugar. No more rice, pasta, potatoes and white bread. No more fast food. I've cut out alcohol.”
No more fast food? No more alcohol?
And in a related story, at corporate offices around the fast food industry and the alcohol industry, flags are at half-staff today.

Nice Win, For What It Is

With San Diego State and Missouri State going down to the wire Wednesday night, how many of you really thought the Aztecs would win it?
No, we didn't either.
But then we remembered this is just the NIT. There are girls high school field hockey tournaments more relevant than this thing.
When the games really matter -- like, oh, last week's Mountain West tournament -- the Aztecs always seem to develop a bad case of stage fright.
But there was Brandon Heath nailing a clutch 3-pointer in the closing seconds as the Aztecs came away with a 74-70 road victory in the first round of the National Invitation Tournament on Wednesday.
The Aztecs' reward for beating Missouri State is a sudden boatload of airline miles. They already took a roundabout way to get to Springfield, Mo., flying first to Cincinnati, before making the trek to the Show Me State. Now, their itinerary is to fly halfway across the country back home to San Diego, then a couple days later, fly all the way across the country for Monday's second-round game against Syracuse.
And the sports world can't wait. Because we're dying to know who the 66th-best team in the country is.

Show Us Your Lightning Bolts

Today's the day the Chargers will officially unveil their new uniforms, which means you don't have to think too hard to figure out what will be the lead story on Kyle Kraska's sportscast tonight on Channel 8 -- Your Chargers Station.
The uniforms' new look actually leaked out late last week, and judging by the buzz we've been hearing and reading, a lot of people really, really hate the new look.
We don't know what the fuss is all about. Really, the new uniforms don't look all that different. It's not a radical change, which it easily could have been. The new threads look OK to us. As long as the Buffalo Bills are still in the league, everybody else is a distant second in the worst uniforms standings.
However, if we had the unfortunate timing of spending nearly $300 on a shiny new Charger jersey this past season, only to see the team suddenly change uniforms a few months later, well then maybe we wouldn't be too thrilled right now.
But what do we know about uniforms? We've never been in love with the powder blues that everyone else gets an erection over.
The Charger Web site will soon be taking pre-orders for the new jerseys, and we can't wait to test the system to see if it will allow us to order a new one with "Leaf 16" on it.
But what we really find intriguing about this story is this: There's been quite a buzz surrounding this topic for the past several days. Everywhere you go, somebody's talking about it, somebody's got an opinion on the Bolts' new uniforms.
Three months after the Chargers' season ended and they're still dominating the local sports scene. The Padres have been at spring training for about a month now and the Chargers still dominate the news.
Which confirms what we've suspected all along. This really is a Charger town, not a Padre town. The Padres are just something to amuse ourselves with during the football offseason.

The Minor-League Town Poll

Which is the biggest waste of time?
	Baseball spring training
	NFL preseason
	NBA regular season
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Brad the Cad

Before we decided to use a word like "cad" in describing Brad Holland, we wanted to make sure it's appropriate.
So, a quick Internet check reveals that a cad is "a man whose behavior is unprincipled or dishonorable."
Yep, fits like a glove here.
In case you missed the earth-shattering news Thursday, Brad Holland was fired after 13 years as head basketball coach at the University of San Diego.
You've no doubt heard a lot in recent days about what a nice guy Holland is and how he runs a "clean program" and he does it "the right way."
If you believe Holland ran a "clean program," you probably also believe there was nothing fishy going on with Reggie Bush's family and USC boosters.
What this all means is that Holland was a master of cultivating a well-crafted public image for himself, regardless of its accuracy.
As NFL Adam reminds us, Holland has a less-than-clean history, when it comes to NCAA violations. But you rarely ever heard a word of that mentioned during Holland's 13 years in San Diego.
In trying to escape his dirty NCAA past, Holland found the perfect place to hide in anonymity at the University of San Diego. USD is a strange universe. While Holland no doubt thought of himself as a big man on campus, the reality is that coaching at USD is a thoroughly anonymous existence. Most San Diegans couldn't spot Brad Holland in a lineup with Brad Radke and Willa Holland.
But on this historic day, we can't be too negative. Brad Holland gave us many memories.
We'll fondly remember how Holland would show extra intensity for the Toreros' annual game against San Diego State. Holland knew this was the one night of the year that he had the undivided attention of the local media, and Bradley was in all his glory basking in the spotlight for one night.
We'll fondly remember the way Holland would majestically wave up into the stands -- in which many seats were empty -- as he was leaving the court after a victory. Bradley looked like he was auditioning to be some sort of over-aged, overweight male model for "Zoolander 2."
We'll fondly remember how, when the UCLA head coaching job was open a few years ago, Holland had his cronies, such as USD announcer Jim Brogan, try to spread the rumor that Bradley was a "candidate" for the Bruins job. But the reality was that Holland couldn't even get an interview for the job at his alma mater. And he had John Wooden going to bat for him.
We'll fondly remember how Holland would kiss up to the local media, no doubt in an effort to ingratiate himself so his dirty past would remain buried. It was always fun to hear Bradley call Jim Stone of NBC 7/39 "Stoney," as if they were a couple of old frat buddies.
So what's next for Brad Holland? Considering his skill in molding public opinion of himself, we're guessing Bradley's next gig will be as a political spin doctor in Washington.

NIT, Here We Come!

In a spectacularly lackluster performance typical of its schizo, underachieving season, San Diego State was upset by Colorado State 69-64 on Thursday night in the first round of the Mountain West Conference tournament in Las Vegas.
Oh well, a lot of good that win over then-No. 15 Air Force does now.

The USD Report

The University of San Diego lost to Gonzaga 88-70 on Sunday night, eliminating the Toreros in the semifinals of the West Coast Conference tournament -- just as we predicted here nearly three months ago.
And that's all for this edition of The USD Report.
Join us again next year for The USD Report.

A Statuesque Figure

Because the guy clearly hasn't received enough recognition over the years, the Padres have decided to honor an often-overlooked player, Hall of Famer-elect Tony Gwynn.
The Padres announced Thursday they will unveil a statue of Gwynn outside Petco Park in July. Gwynn, who coaches in a college stadium named after himself, now will have a statue of himself outside the ballpark that sits on a street named after himself -- 19 Tony Gwynn Drive.
Hell, why don't we just rename the freaking city, Gwynn Diego? We're sure it's only a matter of time before that's coming.
And about that statue.
We're sure it'll be a lovely work of art. Because when we think of statuesque figures, we think Tony Gwynn.
But just wondering, will they have to redo the statue every year to reflect TGwynn's ever-expanding waistline?