That's the Fact, Jack

As if David Wells wasn't large enough already, we now learn he suddenly just got even bigger.
The supersize lefty was forced to miss his scheduled start in St. Louis on Monday night because of a swollen big toe on his right foot from a case of gout.
And we all know that a platoon without its leader is like a foot without its big toe. Miraculously, the Padres, just like Winger and Ziskey and Ox, were able to get by without their Sgt. Hulka.
But considering Mr. September is winless in September, maybe it was a good time to come down with gout.
The good news for Wells is that he should be able to make his next scheduled start. The really good news for old tubby is that, unlike some athletes' injuries, Wells will be able to resume his normal diet in no time. Which means, solid foods and plenty of them.
With less than a week remaining in the regular season and with his physical activity limited for the next few days, Wells is expected to tip the scales at over 700 pounds when the playoffs begin.