Hey, Flan!

Some baseball announcers are blessed with a great voice for radio. They're such a joy to listen to, it almost doesn't matter whether the game is televised or not. With their great voices, their command of the language and their use of descriptive phrases, just listening to them call a game is a delight.
And then there's Tim Flannery.
Good God, who decided Flan was capable of being an announcer for a Major League Baseball team?
Flan should never be allowed anywhere near a play-by-play microphone, unless his broadcast partner is incapacitated with laryngitis. And even then, only if it's a severe case of laryngitis.
You know that guy who works at the DMV counter, the guy who says "Next," with the voice inflection of a man in a two-year coma? That guy has a better voice for radio than Tim Flannery.
You know that guy standing behind you in the DMV line for the past 72 hours, the guy who looks like he was just profiled on "America's Most Wanted"? That guy has a better voice for radio than Tim Flannery.
We used to think Jerry Coleman was pretty bad, as announcers go. But since Coleman is a War Hero and what with the Patriot Act and all, we don't want to get thrown in some secret CIA prison. So we won't say Coleman is a bad announcer. We will say this: Compared to Flannery, Coleman is Mel Freakin' Allen.
But why stop here? If the Padres want to form the worst radio team anywhere, they might as well rehire Rick Monday and team him up with Flan. We can just imagine all the people driving off freeway overpasses as they mutter to themselves and strain to try to figure out, "What the hell did he say just happened on that play?"